Before I became a pastor, I used to attend church every Sunday and watch the pastor on stage and think, “Wow, what a great job he has! He must really enjoy it!” And because I thought he had an amazing job, I never really told him how amazing he was or that I thought he was doing a great job. I just sort of assumed that he knew.
Years later, I am now that man on stage preaching every week. And while sharing the Word of God on a weekly basis is a joy and honor, and being a pastor IS an amazing job, it was a grave error on my part to assume that pastors automatically know they are loved.
Since I have been on both sides now (the pew and the pulpit), I want to share my perspective on how those in the pew can show the one in the pulpit a little love. And I want to give you some suggestions of these things that have nothing to do with money! As much as your pastor loves gift cards (don’t we all!), I want to focus on three things you can do to show a little love that do not cost any money. So if you love your pastor, do these free things…
1) Tell Him
I have found that the vast majority of the time, I will only hear from congregants when they are unhappy. The happy ones have no reason to complain, so for whatever reason, they feel no need to say anything. Maybe they don’t want to bother the pastor. Maybe they don’t have the time to say anything. Maybe it just never crossed their mind. For whatever reason, a pastor is far more likely to hear negative things throughout the week. Problems, issues, concerns, and complains.
With that in mind, if you love your pastor, TELL HIM! You would be amazed at how few emails or notes he gets with something positive. You don’t have to say anything long or earth shattering. You don’t have to even be super spiritual. Simply tell him what you like! And if you want to really blow his socks off, tell him what you like AND EXPLAIN WHY. Here are a few examples…
- “I loved your sermon yesterday. That illustration about the swimming pool was very impacting.”
- “I think you are great. Your humor really brings a touch to the message.”
- “Thank you for being my pastor. You are very approachable and always make me feel important.”
Adding that little WHY will make a huge impact. It takes your note or email from the generic to the specific. In a way, giving an example with your statement is like proof that you are not making it up.
2) Attend
As a pastor, can I tell you how depressing it can be when I look out on the sanctuary and see half the congregation missing? Not because of illness or a yearly vacation, but because of planned Sunday hikes, kids’ sports, sleeping in, house repairs, or biweekly weekend getaways. It makes the pastor think, “Do they really care? Is church really important to them?”
Now as a father of four and one who has not always been a pastor, I get it: life happens. Things get in the way, things come up, and you can’t be there all the time. I truly get that it is hard to make it there every week.
But with that in mind, that is why attending can send such a powerful message to your pastor. If you are there on a regular basis, when you could be so many other places, then in a weird pastoral way you are showing your pastor you love him in his pastoral love language.
I am not saying that that is the only reason you should attend church. Ideally, I hope you want to attend each week because you love God, want to worship him, want to fellowship with fellow believers, and have an engrained belief that church is important.
But with all those things aside, since this is a blog on how to show your pastor you love him, then please know that by simply showing up he will feel a lot of love. Your presence speaks in a million ways that words many times cannot.
Here’s a behind-the-scenes look into the pastor’s life… That 30-minute sermon you hear on Sunday usually takes around 15 hours to prepare. He has to read commentaries, write out the message, make sure he is not saying anything heretical, add an engaging introduction and conclusion, and think of useful illustrations that support the message but do not get in the way. Then he has to take the hour-long message and shorten it to 30 minutes! Then the pastor puts a lot of effort into the media side of things. Then the pastor spends time each week praying that the message will have an impact on the lives in his congregation. A lot goes into a sermon! So if you want to show your support for your pastor, then show up for the thing he has been preparing for all week.
3) Think Twice Before You Complain
Pastors love people. They wouldn’t be in this job if they didn’t! But people that complain a lot can also be exhausting. There is no better way to ruin a pastor’s day than to send him an email with a complaint or to complain about something right before or after the service. Sadly, the reality is that complaints come in far more often than compliments.
Can we all agree that even the most awesome pastor makes mistakes? Can we also all agree that even the best church out there has issues? A church is composed of a bunch of sinners saved by grace. No church is perfect. No pastor is perfect.
On top of that, your pastor KNOWS THIS. There are likely a million things your pastor would love to do differently. He has a list that is a million miles long of things to work on and improve both personally and in the church. But time, resources, giftings, and abilities all prevent him from accomplishing everything he wants to accomplish.
So if you have a complaint, I suggest you stop and think for a little while before actually directing it to your pastor. If you decide he absolutely needs to hear it, then bring it in a way that is personal (to you), positive, and not confrontational. If appropriate, it is also helpful to offer to be part of the solution as well.
Also, if you receive a negative response to your request, do your best to not take it personally. The reality of church is that EVERYONE has an opinion and many of them or opposite of each other. So no matter what the pastor decides, someone is going to be disappointed. When you are on the disappointed side, try to have an attitude of grace and love.
Any others?
These are just three ways that you can show your pastor a little love. However, this is far from being an exhaustive list. If you have any thoughts on other ways to show your pastor a little love, share it in the comments below.